Clean Up On Aisle 12.

Let me enlighten you on our most recent shopping experience.

It's not really my style to procrastinate, but when it comes to going to the grocery store or anything of the sort, I am not a big fan. Do not ask me why, I could spend 4 hours easy in the mall on the weekend, but grocery shopping? No gracias. Anyway, due to this trait of mine, I let Aiden's cereal and food supply get low enough that I had to make a mandatory trip to Target last night. Jeff was working late, so it was just me and monkey.

So, I take Ceci and little Leo to the train, and we are off. As soon as I bring my child outside the car, I smell poop. His poop. The problem with Aiden's poop is that it's the most pungent, repulsive poop in America. I don't know why my child is so ripe, but I'm going to assume it's the peas, and abundance of new solid foods, and move on. I figure, no big deal, we can do this. I can just change him in the parking lot of Target, and then we can be on our way.

There's a problem with this logic. The problem is this - I look in the backseat, no diaper bag, I look in the very back, no diaper bag. I have come accustomed to leaving the diaper bag in my car, so I am boggled as to where exactly it is, but this is now beside the point. I am stranded with a child who smells like a horse pasture on a 100 degree day. Wonderful.

I go into panic mode. If I go home, there is no way I will be able to come back and get everything done before Aiden has to eat dinner/get ready for bed. Don't even get me started on what happens should we break the routine. I thought to myself, all I need is formula, cereal and jarred baby food. I know this Target like the back of my hand, so we are literally looking at 7 minutes max. We must move forward.

The wind was blowing the right way, so our trek into the store was pleasant. As soon as we walked through the automatic doors however, horse pasture smell hit me like a ton of bricks. I decided at that point to basically run through the store. (not really, just speed walk, I didn't want to draw anymore attention than was necessary) Formula - check, cereal - check, baby food - check. All the while we're leaving poop vapors all over Target. I feel sorry for anyone within a 10 mile radius of Aiden's diaper. I was immune to the smell at that point probably because my nose hairs had been burned away.

We finally make it to the register to check out. The nice man standing behind us was too kind to gag in front of us even though I know he wanted to. I did notice, however, that he kept moving further and further back from us. Oh well, what are the odds I'll see him again? With my luck it's probably actually pretty good.

I did manage to get out of there without any additional horrified looks. Aiden made one more wonderful attempt to stink up my car until we finally got home, where I was able to change the nasty diaper with salad tongs and sterile gloves. Just kidding.

To recap, two lessons where learned last night - #1. NEVER, ever remove the diaper bag from the car. #2.Stop procrastinating.


Before anyone calls CPS on me, it really was only 7 minutes that we were in there, so he wasn't in his poo diaper for too long - I promise.