What I Have Learned......My 22 things.

This list is comprised of what I've learned as a mother through my struggle with PPD, the blessings that come with two under two, and a wonderfully loving husband by my side.

1. Sleep is a precious thing of the past.

2. I am stronger than I think.

3. Don't ever say "My child will never act like that."

4. Laundry can be done tomorrow.

5. Boys love dirt.

6. What works for other families does not necessary work for mine.

7. Time-outs also work for adults.

8. That I truly can be selfless.

9. 'This Little Piggy' always gets a laugh.

10. How to poop with a little person in the room with you.

11. You can never have too many hugs.

12. How to be afraid and proud at the same time.

13. Diaper wipes will clean anything.

14. If you’re gonna cry, don’t hold back.

15. My husband is truly my partner.

16. Nothing is fast anymore.

17. Date nights are a must.

18. The mouth is a third hand.

19. Always bring a snack.

20. I deserve mommy time every once in awhile.

21. Being a stay at home mom is the hardest job EVER.

22. The meaning of life.

So, I had to tell her......

..... that unfortunately we wouldn't be able to spend every single day together anymore.

She understood eventually, and both of us are getting through the day. I promised her that every day would be easier.

Yes, it's back to reality. Today was my first day back to work. I have to be honest, it was not as hard to leave this morning as I thought. I know that both little Munchkins are in good hands and I woke up this morning in a great mood. I was a little panicky when the alarm went off, but it is already 1:00 in the afternoon, I'm off to lunch for an hour, then back until only 4:30.

Right now at this moment, I am feeling so wonderful though. I am so very close to being able to say that I am back to my happy self. I'm sure there is a whole separate post about this coming soon. It feels like it has taken an eternity, and I will never take good days for granted again.

Update

I just wanted to give an update to friends and family that were so kind to reach out to me after I had posted about my PPD. It has been 2 weeks since I began getting some help, and I am so glad that I did. Everyday is better and a little brighter. I have a little ways to go, but the amount of support that I have received from friends has really been amazing. To those who took the time to call, write emails, and send comments, I cannot thank you enough. You really helped me out when I needed it most, and I was so incredibly touched by your words. To my momma also, who was there to listen when I felt like I was coming unraveled. This experience has completely rocked me to my core, but I will get through this and be better because of it. Thanks again to all.

Like a Ton of Bricks

I have hesitated in writing this post for a lot of reasons. Some because of pride, mostly due to lack of time, and some due to not really feeling like an enthusiastic blogger. However, now that I am writing, it is serving as a helpful outlet for me. Plus, I do feel like this is an issue that is overlooked by many women, and should certainly not be.

After Harper's birth, and not feeling like myself for quite a few days, I decided that I needed to go and talk to someone about this. To put it in a nutshell (as best as I can at least), I basically felt like all of the joy was just ripped out of my world....all of a sudden, for reasons that I could not explain. I didn't understand why I felt this way, especially since I was overloaded with happiness when Aiden was born. When I started considering going back to work early, feeling like I was having panic attacks, I cried more than I have cried in 2 years, and in general not feeling like an adequate mother, I knew that this was just not me, or my normal thoughts at all. Yesterday after talking to a specialist, I was diagnosed with Post Partum Depression.

The severity varies in all cases, however it is something that some women experience after birth. From what I understand it is caused by the hormones and chemicals in your body adjusting. I am still in the process of doing research when I can, however, what I can tell you is that it is not a good place to be.

The good news is that since I began seeking help early last week, every day is a better day. I know what I need to do, and I feel like I am in good hands with the doctors that I have talked to. I hope that this post is not misconstrued for attention seeking, or that I am not thankful for my beautiful daughter.

In all of this, Jeff has been my rock. Without him, I wouldn't have been able to get better. The Boss, LOVES his little sister and cannot seem to give her enough kisses and loves. Harper has been to the doctor twice and she is doing wonderful. She loves to eat and is growing like a weed.

I am blessed and I know this for sure. I pray, and in my heart definitely know that things will only go up from here.

Here are some pictures that I have not been able to post yet. I will post as often as I can. Shortly I should be able to post the link to the professional newborn photos we got of the Peanut.